How Come I’m Always Sick When I Eat So Healthy?!

Back in the 90s when Shamanism wasn’t a thing yet and even yoga still wasn’t The Thing… hell, what was the thing then? Aha. Aerobics. In fluorescent leotards. Or maybe that was the 80s….

Anyway, in the 90s I was into yoga. And healthy eating. All my mates teased me because I ate super-foods (before super-foods were a thing) and seeds and sprouts and only organic eggs and cooked well for myself and generally really cared about my ‘diet.’

Nutrition, and all that. And, I was always getting sick.

In case you’re remotely interested, it was always my throat. I had bronchitis more times than you’ve had broccoli.

I had some kind of cold, or flu, or throat infection every. Other. Month. It was a real pain in the… no, throat. And of course, my mates mocked me mercilessly when I was sick. “Imagine what you’d be like if you ate junk like us!”

Well, at some point I became a vegetarian, and then a vegan, and I had a raw-food-only diet for a while. And I learned a lot from those times, and I’m glad I experimented and researched the way I did.

But guess what? These days I eat what a health-freak (like 90s me) would baulk at. I don’t cook much, I smoke, I eat a lot of pizza, I eat meat when my body feels like it (ideally, we’d all be vegetarian/vegan because it’s good for the animals, and it’s good for the environment… but 2017 and ‘ideally’ don’t belong in the same sentence).

Anyway… the other day I worked with a client, a friend who has been on retreat with me and has started out on the path of awakening. She was just diagnosed with breast cancer.

And she said to me: “One of the thoughts I’ve been having is ‘why me’ — my diet is the healthiest of everyone I know, I exercise, take care of my body….”

So yes, how is it that — as so many of us that consider ourselves ‘spiritual’ and health conscious have experienced — eating well doesn’t seem to translate to being well?

The Truth About Our Health

Isn’t it true that “you are what you eat”?

Well, no. It’s not. Actually, it’s the other way around: You eat what you are.
If you eat a healthy salad while secretly stewing with anger inside, then you are eating anger. I believe that you can eat a fast-food burger with an awareness of gratitude and love and your miraculous creative power alchemizes that food into exactly what your body needs.

It’s all about awareness and vibration, as we all know.

As a wise man once whispered in my ear after a ceremony: “What comes out of our mouths is more important than what goes in.”

What comes out of our mouths are our thoughts, which are the feelings, which are the beliefs, associations, identifications, and fears that we harbour in our subconscious minds.

In other words (pardon the pun), we are not what we eat, we are what we believe and we are the thoughts that are the expression of the feelings of those beliefs.

If you feel, deep down (as so many of us alive today do), that you are a worthless piece of shit… then your thoughts will reflect that. You will have a great deal of negative self-talk going on in your head. You will berate, and criticize, and judge yourself constantly.

Eat all the sprouted-cacao chia seed wheatgrass smoothies you like, if your mental energy is constantly in conflict, you’re going to get sick.

Eat all the spirulina you like, if you are unconsciously afraid all the time, you’re going to get sick.

And everyone is full of fear these days. Most ‘spirituality’ is just a massive bypass.

Hell, how many people that eat well are only eating well for fear of being unwell!? Humanity in 2017 is 70% water and 30% fear. And we have no idea, most of us, that we’re afraid, let alone what we’re afraid of.

We lock our doors, and gate ourselves in behind our (de)fences. We screen and check and double check and vet, examine, assess, and scrutinize and appraise everything we can. Even our own children.

Hell, we even allow ourselves to go through all these ridiculous examinations and tests for fear of some imaginary thing happening. People have pre-emptive surgery for fear. If you ask, most people will say they’re not afraid even of death! Did you know that? Try it. Ask people if they’re afraid of death. Ask yourself first.


The reason, as far as I have been able to tell, that most people delude themselves into the ridiculous “I’m not afraid of death” statement is that we don’t think about it. Death — we don’t think about it. It’s just a total Taboo.

Someone dies? Put the body in the ground, have a very short, simple ceremony (funeral). Move on. Nothing to see here. We don’t discuss it (as if it’s not the most interesting, mysterious, and inevitable thing in life). Nope. So having never spent a nanosecond thinking about it, of course we’re not afraid of it.

Except, we are. We are, almost all of us, utterly terrified of death. It’s the number one fear, the mother of all fears, the mother even of our second greatest fear — fear of going ‘mad.’ But our fear of death is unconscious. And there you have the ultimate symptom of human disconnectedness in this day and age: the absolute chasm between our conscious awareness and our subconscious.

We simply don’t know ourselves.

The path to self-knowledge is a bumpy, thorny, treacherous journey. Also known as “walking the razor’s edge,” because it’s a tough ticket.

And it’s what I’ve been doing for over three decades. And, it turns out that the better you know yourself, the better you feel, and the better you are. You get well, when you know yourself.

When you have less discrepancy between what your conscious mind is aware of, and what is in your subconscious.

These days I simply eat what’s around, and rarely get sick. Go figure. Now look, I’m not saying that you should throw out all the salad and stock up on frozen french fries. Of course it’s good to eat well!

However, i don’t feel it’s that important. Pay more attention to what comes out of your mouth, so to speak (ah there I go punning again). Pay attention to the thoughts behind the words behind the feelings, behind the beliefs. Figure out what is really motivating you. Understand who/what is actually in the driving seat of this beautiful body that you are currently the proud pilot of.

We are so much more powerful than we realize. And when we begin to truly embody that power, it empowers our bodies. And that is the secret to being well. Not spirulina.