Are You A ‘Self-Help’ Junkie Dying For REAL CHANGE?!

As someone who’s been working closely with clients for the past 16 years in a personal growth capacity and who, in that time has been working on myself and my own growth as well, my life has changed more than I could ever have imagined was possible.  I have been through many growth experiences that have seen me move countries twice, become a wife and a mother and now, I enjoy a beautiful existence in a small countryside town where I run my boutique-style business on Mallorca, off the coast of Spain.

My experience on both sides of the coaching and personal development industry however is what I want to highlight because it uniquely qualifies me to point out more than a few things.  I want to speak to, in my experience, the many folks who have been blindsided and gotten caught up in searching for their next ‘fix’, be it through coaches or coaching programs ‘designed’ to address your most dire life/relationship/money/health problems and needs.

As they refer to it in the industry, your ‘pain’.

The thing is, I have come to believe that many of the promises made by some of the players in the self-improvement industry, are built (most times unconsciously) upon inherent untruths and assumptions about who YOU, the consumer ARE.

I don’t only believe this for you.  I know it to be true because I, along with many of my colleagues and clients have been burned too.

I have have had to find another way.  I have had to find my own way.

There are a significant number of coaches and coaching programs out there that simply FAIL to adequately acknowledge your inner resources, wisdom, resilience and strength, what you deserve, have the potential to create AND to bring these to the fore.

If your Facebook experience is anything like mine, these are the tentacles that reach out, flailing at you, trying to grab your attention every time you scroll down your feed.

It is both my observation and personal experience that as much as the industry is filled with practitioners who are conscious, in integrity and awake, it is also full of practitioners who, driven by their own fear, lack an overwhelming desire for a profitable bottom line, are unaware of the covert ‘personal development’ business building techniques they have been taught to bring unsuspecting, often vulnerable clients in.

Without calling any names, you can think here of some of the high-visiblity players in the industry.  Consider the fanfare and energy around their launches, the tone of their copy, the well-oiled funnels, landing pages and up-selling strategies they use to bring large numbers of clients in.  We are confronted by this kind of marketing everyday.  It would be interesting to know exactly what percentage of their students/clients feel, by the end of these programs, that the promises made had been fulfilled.  It is a number that we will never know, but what I do know is this…

Those who find themselves disappointed in their results and by extension, their coaches and themselves, THESE are the clients that tend to make the rounds because they feel forlorn, hopeless and lost.  These are the ‘personal development junkies’ who are searching for their next FIX.

If this is YOU, I invite you to stop whatever it is you’ve been desperately throwing your energy, attention, hopes and dreams at and take this truth in:

No matter what shiny new modality, course, coach, coaching program or product promises to change your life, here is what 9 times out of 10, they won’t say…or if they do, they have no idea how to hold the space needed for it to root itself into your muscle memory and bones…

More than anything, it takes confidence and self-belief as well as deep connection and communication with YOURSELF to create what you most desire and need.

In other words, if you haven’t been actively acknowledging this truth, theres a good chance that you’ve been unwittingly been buying into the untruth for the solution to all your problems, your ability to call in your needs and heart’s desires lies outside of yourself, in someone else’s hands.

What can you do to change this subversive belief?

You can DECIDE once and for all that you are no longer going to let yourself be distracted by the plethora of ‘mindset’ modalities and teachers clamouring for your attention out there.  That is not to say that there isn’t value in investing in mentorship and support, but the point here is this:

In your life, YOU call the shots.  

The answers to your problems all lie within you and can only be unearthed firstly by cultivating a solid relationship with yourself so that YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

YOU get to take full ownership for your growth and decide, based on your wisdom, what support you most need.  

You too can and are meant to find YOUR OWN WAY.

?A 10 Step Survival Guide for “The Dark Night of the Soul”

“In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God.”

– St John of the Cross


It is the foundation upon which every aspect of our world is built.

Family. Society. Education. Industry. Commerce. Judiciary. Government.

You get the idea.

And like cogs on a wheel, your outer ‘public’ face is made up of grooves — the labels and ‘approved’ personal characteristics, traits, and hats you wear that synchronize perfectly with these external wheels and keep you in good standing in the world.

But, here’s the thing…

On their own, these external structures hold you to a limited view of yourself and way of being, in exchange for the validation, approval, and longing most of us subliminally crave.

They overlook to a large extent the unique individual you are. And from personal experience and the past 15 years of working closely with clients, here is what I have come to know:

As self-aware human beings, we are connected to a higher intelligence. Some call it Source, Universe, or collective consciousness, and still others, God.

Your connection with higher intelligence is the means through which you are able to access your innate intuition, gifts, skills, and information — the stamp that makes you, YOU.

Being able to express these fully and uncensored by life’s external structures is what ultimately enables you to feel truly happy, successful, and fulfilled.

And that is not to say that you should disregard familial, societal, or cultural modes and norms. Rather, I believe that it can only positively impact your happiness and wellbeing levels when you can identify and embrace your enormity and uniqueness, beneath the status quo.

So what does ‘structure’ have to do with the dark night of the soul? The answer is absolutely everything.

There are two major contributing factors to a dark night of the soul:

When an individual a) is not cognizant of themselves as distinct individuals from the external labels and constructs that qualify and give meaning to their lives, and b) has not been getting their deep, soul-level needs met, life in collaboration with this higher intelligence will often orchestrate the perfect set of conditions to awaken them to a greater appreciation of their inherent importance, complexity, depth, desires, and needs.

These can take the shape of powerful life events such as divorce, bereavement, redundancy, childbirth, relocation, trauma, or a health scare, to name a few.

The dark night of the soul is just that — an unexpected collapse of your identity and understanding of life in relation to external labels and constructs that plunges you into a deep, frightening darkness — an inner spiritual crisis, if you will.

Many people who are going through a dark night of the soul report feeling like a stranger to themselves, like they are free falling, and find it difficult to focus and make even the smallest of decisions. They no longer feel connected with the activities, people, places, and things they once were. They don’t know what they want or what will make them happy anymore.

The overwhelming darkness describes the vast inner landscape they find themselves traversing when the established frameworks of their lives, and how these once made them feel safe, important, accepted, and loved, have fallen away.

If you are recognizing that you have been trying to navigate your own dark night of the soul, here is a life raft that can help you get to the other side. Each step that you implement on my my 10 step survival guide can feel like a patch of dry land when you’ve been adrift on stormy seas.

  1. Know that there is an important reason you are having this experience. Life is asking you to seriously consider and reevaluate the path you have been on.
  2. Identify your soul-level needs which haven’t been getting met.
  3. Be open to an expanded understanding of who you are and what you are meant to be doing with your life.
  4. Consider that courage, self-trust, and unwavering determination are what will get you through — even when the path ahead seems hazy and unclear.
  5. Be gentle and loving with yourself with as much self-care as possible and by honouring your intuition and non-negotiable needs.
  6. Journal and try to establish a daily meditation or physically grounding routine. This will help you get connected to yourself and your truth.
  7. Don’t be afraid to share what you’re going through and enlist the support of a trusted confidante, mentor, or friend.
  8. Think in baby steps and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Acknowledge the darkness but keep looking ahead.
  9. Take an inventory of what you’ve been doing, neglecting, accepting, compromising, on etc. that doesn’t serve you. As soon as you feel ready and able, commit to letting these situations and/or relationships go.
  10. Ask yourself: “What is the old view of myself that life is asking me to let go of, and what are the qualities and strengths it is asking me to embody and become?”