Babylon Bee 3-31-20… “Teachers Urge Government To Reopen Schools Before Students Learn To Think For Themselves”

This is a great satire article. The Bee hits it so “right on” so many times.

[Kp reminder note: this is a satire article from a satire site.]

“Teachers at government schools have raised their concerns that the recent closure of their institutions will have a damaging effect on students. In particular, the nation’s educators are worried that the longer the schools are closed, the more likely it is that students will begin thinking for themselves…

“…studies have already shown a strong correlation between everyone being homeschooled and a concerning spike in independent thought. Students who have been away from the government school system for even a week stop feeling depressed and anxious all the time and even show a shocking increase in the ability to form thoughts and ideas not approved by the government.

“Teachers have further pointed out that parents aren’t properly equipped to indoctrinate their children with government propaganda.”

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Teachers Urge Government To Reopen Schools Before Students Learn To Think For Themselves

U.S.—Teachers at government schools have raised their concerns that the recent closure of their institutions will have a damaging effect on students. In particular, the nation’s educators are worried that the longer the schools are closed, the more likely it is that students will begin thinking for themselves, learn life skills away from the government school system, and realize how much more they learn at home.

“We must reopen as soon as possible — before they regain their ability to have independent thoughts,” said New York 4th-grade teacher Ms. Jenny Mudd. “This is an urgent crisis. We realize we have to do our part to prevent the spread of the virus, but we must also prevent the spread of unapproved ideas. There’s a balance there.”

“Reopen the schools before it is too late.”

Sure enough, studies have already shown a strong correlation between everyone being homeschooled and a concerning spike in independent thought. Students who have been away from the government school system for even a week stop feeling depressed and anxious all the time and even show a shocking increase in the ability to form thoughts and ideas not approved by the government.

Teachers have further pointed out that parents aren’t properly equipped to indoctrinate their children with government propaganda. “I went to school for eight years to be able to do this,” said Portland kindergarten teacher Ms. Pinkerton. “Parents just don’t have the experience of stuffing kids’ heads full of a statist worldview seven hours a day like I do.”

Babylon Bee 7-30-19… “Snopes Issues Pre-Approval Of All Statements Made During Tonight’s Democratic Debate” (remember, this is a satire site)

This is satire, but it was so hilarious I felt it had to be posted. And much of it hits very close to the truth. Love this satire article.

I did not watch any of the “debate”, nor any videos, nor read any articles. And so it will remain.

[Btw, here’s a link to just one article about Snopes. In it she points out that “Snopes is now 50% owned by an ad agency (Proper Media) and they make money by generating millions of views on the 3rd-party advertisements on their website… Snopes was founded by a husband and wife team who are now in the middle of a contentious divorce… Snopes now has a hired team of suspect fact checkers who collaborate to debunk falsehoods that are trending on the internet… [who] reportedly have no editorial oversight and do not follow standard journalistic procedures such as interviewing the authors of articles they are trying to debunk to get all sides of the story.”.]

“With the Democratic primary debates in full swing, many fact-checking websites are preparing to review candidates’ statements for accuracy… As part of their ongoing goal of being able to rush to judgment as quickly as possible, Snopes published a pre-approval of all future statements made by candidates during the Democratic debates.

“Snopes also clarified that in the event a candidate does say anything that sounds untrue/conservative, they will automatically conclude that the individual had pure intentions and meant something completely different.

“At publishing, Snopes had also released a fact-check for all future statements by President Trump, rating them all as “False.””

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Snopes Issues Pre-Approval Of All Statements Made During Tonight’s Democratic Debate

U.S. — With the Democratic primary debates in full swing, many fact-checking websites are preparing to review candidates’ statements for accuracy. Thankfully, Snopes, the most unbiased fact-checking website ever, has found a way to expedite their evaluation process.

Since their original founding in 1957 by the KGB, Snopes has gained a reputation for objectively reporting what someone’s secret motivations probably were, and what they probably really meant when they said something. More recently, they have perfected the art of determining whether a satirical article is hilarious, left-leaning comedy or divisive, conservative-leaning fake news.

As part of their ongoing goal of being able to rush to judgment as quickly as possible, Snopes published a pre-approval of all future statements made by candidates during the Democratic debates.

“While we understand there may be some disagreements among progressive candidates on certain issues, we know that nobody who shares our worldview would ever say anything factually untrue,” Snopes explains in their article.

Snopes also clarified that in the event a candidate does say anything that sounds untrue/conservative, they will automatically conclude that the individual had pure intentions and meant something completely different. As a very last resort, they may change a particular rating to “mixed,” assuming some context was missing.

At publishing, Snopes had also released a fact-check for all future statements by President Trump, rating them all as “False.”

BabylonBee.com 10-15-18… “Hillary Clinton Releases DNA Test Results Proving She’s Only Half Lizard Person”

First of all, Babylon Bee is a satire site. Second of all, I just was laughing at this very loudly (inside, at least). Third of all, I pass this along with all due respect to what HRC really is, what kinds of lizard and/or other ET cultures are present on Earth, and many of which may have mated with humans for very positive reasons!

Posted for humor only. Don’t like it? Well, perhaps it’s time to “Light-en up”…

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Hillary Clinton Releases DNA Test Results Proving She’s Only Half Lizard Person

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Shortly after Elizabeth Warren released a DNA test that may or may not show that she is 1/1024th Native American, failed presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton showed the results of a recent DNA test that conclusively proved she is only 50% Reptilian.

The test, conducted by a renowned DNA expert, showed that only 50% of her blood comes from reptilian humanoids from space bent on destroying humanity. Many Washington insiders had claimed she was 100% reptile, but these claims are now known to be a hoax.

“I’m happy to announce that I’m only half reptile,” she said on an interview Sunday evening. “I hope my critics will think twice before calling me a space reptile now, since that’s only half true. I’m only part lizard person, thank you very much.”

But she was quick to point out that whether or not she’s an earth-conquering reptile is irrelevant, quipping, “What difference, at this point, does it make?”

At publishing time, Clinton had admitted the remainder of her DNA was that of a Cylon.