Conversation with Loie 8/21/19

Terran: Hi Loie!

Loie: Bill, Dear! I am here. And with you now. Feel me? Loie.

Terran: I feel you in heart

Loie: Perfect, Love! Boosting, Amplifying and Expanding, now. Ready? Loie.

Terran: Ready! Why am I so exhausted lately?

Loie: Oh, Bill! You are expanding. How your body reacts to it changes. But undoubtedly, you are expanding, now! Loie.

Terran: How can you tell?

Loie: The question is, Bill, can you tell? Loie.

Terran: Sometimes I wonder. I think we’ve been preconditioned to expect external changes when it’s an inside job.

Terran:Btw I like this frequency

Loie: Bill, it is true there were some ‘preconceived’ notions about this process. But there is not data for how all flows now. All are in, now. And the magnificent dance of creation expands, too. Loie.

Terran: Heather speaks of creating the new, but honestly my mind is not much on creating it’s mostly trying to cope with the new energies

Loie: Remember, Bill “you” are not just “YOU”. ALL OF YOU is assisting, in all ways. The Bill form is but one in a huge cache of forms.

Denice: (feel her chuckling)

Terran: Boy wouldn’t I like to try on that wardrobe! This one is getting threadbare!

Loie: Or take it off? Even better!

Terran: Lol, yes but I don’t want to take it off the way I almost did in 2009!

Loie: And Bill, I say that with the respect of one who has been in form and formless. We are all more than we ever imagined. Ever! Loie.

Loie: And the transitions are designed such that you never have to experience 2009 again. EVER. You are gearing up for the recall now.

Loie Recall how to form and unform? Feel that flow now?

Loie: Bill, I am sending you a batch and a cache of frequencies now. Loie.

Terran: Oh that feels good!

Loie: Now, I am sending on repeat all that you need to flow into your expansion. Bill, I am with you always.

Terran: I’m seeing a new form. Not sure if his glasses are part of a disguise though…

Terran: I saw a new form had an archeologist vibe to him. There’s an actor who is similar in appearance. 
Terran: I appreciate the repeating frequencies I’m not always the quickest on the uptake

Loie: Bill all is yours. Now and always. I have another gift for you. And leave you with my love and all I AM. Loie.

Terran: [feeling the meaning and intent of one set of healing energies] Thank you for addressing that worry even though I didn’t mention it.

Loie: Bill. Breathe dear. One of your oldest friends is here now. And I am here when you feel to call on me. Loie.

Terran: Which friend?

Denice: ok, here’s the gist of what I am getting, confidentially.. . .

Denice: there is a being entering now

Denice: It is like I am on a call and we are on ‘hold’

Denice: no worries, no rush. . .

Denice: can you find a pic of that actor? Archaeologist/anthropologist is a good descriptor of this frequency 🙂

Terran: The actor who has a similar appearance is Guy Pearce. H was in the remake of the movie “The Time Machine”.

Denice: what are you feeling now?

Terran: I’m feeling these comfy energies that are enveloping me now

Denice: Hearing this right now on my iradio: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYYRH4apXDo [BTW my middle name is Thomas (Tom)]

Denice: I need a second. The frequency is fast and powerful

Terran: Yes

Denice: Eyes are watering

Terran: It feels very good

Denice: [redacted] just asked me why I am crying

Denice: I am getting two points of entry. Heart head

Terran: Heart, head and sacram here

Denice: Makes sense

Terran: And the cat is laying on my heart purring and amplifying

Denice: Perfect

Terran: Purrfect. lol

Denice: Tell me when you know who it is?

Denice: Extremely hot here

Denice: Energy pulled back now. Crown only

Denice: I am getting a pat on the back

Denice: Lol

Terran: I’ll trust the flow

Denice: You will feel it and know it ?

Denice: Yes trust the flow!

Terran: Would very much like to remember how to form and unform at will

Terran: “Oh the places you’ll go!”

Denice: Lol!

Terran: What did the energies feel like to you? You don’t often feel them

Denice: Nearly like NABRAC, but in this case, it knew how to pull back and not overwhelm me

Denice: Still here, but more of a place holder of sorts

Terran: That may have been what I felt

Terran: Just felt so good and vital

Denice: Yes!

Denice: And for me formal.

Denice: Not a galactic procedural formal, but like someone I have not yet met, formal

Terran: Something big just happened didn’t it?

Denice: Incoming photons huge!

Terran: Lol

Denice: Huger

Terran: Humongous!

Denice: It wasn’t Nabrac, but from that similar “generation”? Original?

Epilogue

You might be interested in Lisa Harrison’s video Deconstructing the Construct #65.   As has been typical with my journey someone explains it after I’ve gone through it 12 months ago…. LOL. I think I must have volunteered to be a guinea pig for some of these processes. 

I am not sure the ego and chakras are an integrated system as Lisa implies, but the chakra system does feel alien to the original human form design, and I say that from an aesthetic design point of view. Its perpendicular to the toroidal flow of energy in the human body, kind of like a maple syrup tap in a maple tree.  Its deeply tied into the Kabbalah tree of life beliefs which come out of Babylon.

The seals/sigils of the chakra system are also a tell, and many have noticed the allusion to chakras  in the seven seals of the Book of Revelation.  Seals are meant to keep something hidden, like a wax seal on a letter.  While the concept originates in Asia its deeply tied into the Kabbalah tree of life beliefs which come out of Babylon, and there are numerous illustrations on the internet showing that.

UPDATE 1 #HATJ on Incoming Photons and the Original Declaration of Conversion

Terran note: “hypocracy” is not a typo, its a word Heather has coined for the corporations operating under the guise of the people’s government.  I leave Heather’s writing pretty much as it comes in, unless there’s a glaring typo.


From: HEATHER ANN TUCCI-JARRAF (86748007)

Date: 8/20/2019 11:38:23 AM
Subject: RE: Majestic disbanded???

Practicing hypocracy, even for strategic purposes… is not strategic at all, lol… declaring to fight for, support, and enforce “human rights” while simultaneously operating systems and actions that violate human rights… and the “environment” and “beings” that ordered/manuevered/allowed/permitted/supported/encouraged/and otherwise promulgated such hypocracies, exist no longer…

…from 2009 to July 24, 2017 the so-called highest levels were told all that would transpire… every “bit”…and ego, greed, and fear drove their choices, believing they could change all that was lovingly foretold…and now, they are aware that all their choices “in-sured” that all that was lovingly foretold manifested in reality for ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL.

…measurements have been/continue to be taken here at Dublin and else “where’s”… GW Hardin should not be surprised at the arrival of massive photons… it was all foretold and duly secured in the Universal Security Agreement, the Perpetuity, and the ORIGINAL DECLARATION OF CONVERSION, that every being on this planet and beyond agreed to on July 25, 2017…they will also find therein, that Particulars’ “choices would render Quantum Banking obsolete, to an archaic relic of the past possibilities… all because Particulars chose to attempt to maintain some transference of fraudulent assets/ownership/position greater than all in a contrived/controlled/and hierarchal mirror proffered to be “Quantum/Quantum Banking” when in reality it was just a “new dress” of the “old ways and days”… i thank all said Particulars for hyperaccelerating ALLLLLLLLLLL beyond “Quantum” everything :)…

…beings in here asked about tools to be able to “BE” when they got out… and they gasped at “pre-paid, pre-authorized, and pre-approved” regarding education, medical, dental, housing, food, travel, transportation, creation… they said that sounds like “communism”, “socialism”, etc…. i laughed and said, “No. Every unit of value for pre-paying, and guaranteeing forevermore, all of it, was duly earned with every aspect of capitalism once held so dearly… i just had to wear more orange, kahki, and grey than i ever fathomed in order to do it!!!!!!!! And i get to spend all that value duly earned however i feeeeeeeel and chooooooooooooooose to! ;)” …….and i continue to earn, and earn, and earn, and earn while simultaneously continuing to spend, and spend, and spend, and spend….times eternity 🙂

…and as GW Hardin recently noted, the conversions are visible to allllllll/ALLLLLLLLLL… and the programming of those protons are already done, and being spent now… injoy, enjoy!

i be and do consistently, in complete love, gratitude, and heartitude.

UPDATE 1:
Shawn wrote asking: “it was all foretold and duly secured in the Universal Security Agreement, the Perpetuity, and the ORIGINAL DECLARATION OF CONVERSION, that every being on this planet and beyond agreed to on July 25, 2017”.       


How was this agreed upon?

HATJ: general answer: aware conscious…….the consciousness of each vantage point/perception/states of conscious/Particular Being had their own FORM of agreement on that day, July 25, 2017, at or about approximately 10:30 a.m., e.s.t….there were as many FORMS of agreement as there were vantage points/perceptions/states of conscious/Particular Beings on that day and moment…and each vantage point/perception/states of conscious/Particular Being’s choice of FORM of agreement on that day was recognized, honored, and protected for their sole operation by their sole discretion and responsibility, accountability, and liability thereafter…the answer here is general, however, each form of agreement was unique, unanimous every “where”, yes, while unique in expression 🙂

“as it was bound, so is it unbound” was not just a saying…it was a doing

perhaps, in this moment looking “back” to approx. 2009- July 1017, one can have a more expanded awareness of why there felt like such an INNER push, urgency, drive, “pressure” if you will, of “what?”, no one could even define the “what?” back then, specially and particularly when it looked like “nothing was happening”, lol

July 25, 2017, and the Universal activation of the Universal Security Agreement, the Perpetuity, is a Universal hyperacceleration of all, by all, for all, because all/ALL said, “enough”…hyperaccelerations are not done lightly or without complete planning by all/ALL…hyperaccelerations affect and effect all/ALL, and, therefore, are done with complete prudence, care, and responsibility of all/ALL participating…

…each “earns” and “spends” as they feeeeel and choose to in these moments…my choice included the operation of conversion of units of value to its original … 😉


Shawn: Thank you ?



—–Ferguson, William on 8/21/2019 10:06 AM wrote:

>

——Terran on 8/19/2019 11:21 AM wrote:

To: HEATHER ANN TUCCI-JARRAF 86748007
Date: 8/19/2019 12:09:07 PM
Subject: Majestic disbanded???
>

Your recent comments seems to be shaking things up…
(From Twitter)

@JHHoel

As of noon today @TS_SCI_MAJIC12 is officially disbanded and will no longer function in any “official” capacity, advisory or otherwise, to the United States. Taking its place will be @DefenseIntel working closely alongside both @ODNIgov & @ENERGY.

9:13 AM 8/19/19


To: HEATHER ANN TUCCI-JARRAF 86748007
Date: 8/20/2019 12:07:49 AM
Subject: Massive Photon Burst

(FWD)
From: GW
Date: August 19, 2019 at 10:26:03 PM CDT
To: Undisclosed recipients: ;
Subject: Fwd: Earth Just Got Blasted with Highest-Energy Photons Ever Recorded

Lots of folks are reporting being wiped out either physically or emotionally. Keep in mind that massive information is coming in along with this. Which means it gives even greater importance to info-looping.

GW

BZ RIGER: A Request From Randy ~ #RKB


https://i-uv.com/a-request-from-randy-rkb/

A Request From Randy ~ #RKB

BY BZ ?AM RIGER / MONDAY, 19 AUGUST 2019 / PUBLISHED IN HATJ

Randy requested I publish his address as a post(in addition to where it always is as update) so that it would be top of heart! For all those who feel moved to write a letter, a card, send an article, news, print out of channelings… what your heart moves you to connect with. 

Thank you from Randy…
and from BZ.

Randy is at FCI Elkton- he can receive letters and postcards, please see specifics below

Randall Keith Beane ID #52505-074
FCI ELKTON
FEDERAL CORRECTIONAL INSTITUTION
P.O. BOX 10
LISBON, OH 44432

When mailing, the sender must include their first and last name, address. He can receive books mailed directly from publisher. Can receive up to 5 magazines a month but must be BOP approved reading material.

#HATJ on Hillary’s Emails to the Chinese

So, they are now throwing Hilliary under the bus?  As with epstein (in part, a more elegant perveted twist of the ’80’s Panama party island-GWHB/GWB/Noriega debacle, without the invasion of a country, because time, energy, and human capital was diligently and consistently spent to infiltrate/place/compromise via the so-called “ever useful” utilities of the fbi, cia, dia, dni, pick-an-acronym-any-acronym, and every international intelligence equivalent…every department of the UNITED STATES with foreign agents and doused liberally with incompetents, and insured by overworked “employees”…UNITED STATES has been the “planetary whore” until it was “elevated” and “offered” to become the “universal whore” by the so-called and self-appointed “descendants” of the cosmos, that are now being “declawed” and “dethroned”…the so-called “COMING COLLAPSE OF CHINA” arrived a while ago and is now in the final stage…while UNITED STATES, and those in the know, have been practicing hypocracy, for strategic purposes it is proffered…

Rewind to April 2015… Mt. Everest:  Henry Todd, Vice-President of Google Privacy, Chinese Military, Russian Military, American Millitary???, Intelligence Agencies, and the Bankers/Geneva/ET AL were told to stop… they were all told to stop… Vice President of Google Privacy died during that so-called avalanche… Henry Todd barely came off that mountain, and with only a busted thumb… how many individuals of various military and innocents died or were injured?????….. many.

Over the last 20 years, “wannabe high flyers”\, like Mark Rackley, Jonesy, et al, that met with “China” officials and non-officials were always amazed that during their meetings, Chinese intelligence would have a 5 foot stack of their printed emails spanning 10+ years, did not matter the so-called “service provider”, because “china” has had backdoor access, whether direct or via proxy (hello Israel, hello dubai, saudi, blahdy blah blah)

what is the difference between hypocracy and any other form of “non-accountability” …are no longer tolerated or practiced… not even for strategic purposes… everyone put on their “big boy/girl/being panties”

get it done!

in love, gratitude and heartitude

—–Terran on 8/17/2019 2:06 PM wrote:

>

https://stream.org/say-what-did-hillary-deliberately-send-all-her-emails-to-a-chinese-company/

Say What!? Did Hillary Deliberately Send All Her Emails to a Chinese Company?

iStockphoto

Secrets.

By AL PERROTTA

August 15, 2019

What would you do if you discovered all of Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s emails were sent in real time to a Russian company???

What would you do if you discovered Pompeo’s people had created the system that may have sent every last email to the Russians?

You’d be horrified. Outraged. Rightfully fearful for the security of the nation. You’d be calling Pompeo a traitor. You would demand Pompeo and his team be prosecuted. And you’d be demanding to know if President Trump knew about it, and if he did you’d insist he leave office immediately.

Now. What if I told you that evidence was released yesterday showing this may well have happened. The secretary of state may have sent all the emails to a hostile foreign policy. But??it wasn’t Pompeo and Russia. It was Hillary Clinton and China.

The Red Flags

Yesterday, Sen. Chuck Grassley and Sen. Ron Johnson released a staff memo stemming from their ongoing “Investigation of the DOJ’s and FBI’s Handling of the Clinton Investigation.

The memo tells of the State Department’s desperate efforts to downgrade the classification of information Hillary had handled on her unsecured server. More crucially, it reveals worries the Intelligence Community Inspector General’s office had that Hillary’s emails were dropping real time into Chinese hands   while the FBI could care less. Even when it looked like Hillary’s people were in on it.

First, the memo gives the set up:

In August 2018, news articles alleged that a Chinese state-owned company hacked former Secretary Clinton’s non-government server and inserted code that forwarded nearly all of her emails to the foreign company. The reporting indicated that two Intelligence Community Inspector General (ICIG) officials   Frank Rucker and Jeanette McMillian   discovered the code and brought the possible intrusion to the attention of the FBI.

Senate investigators interviewed Rucker and McMillian. And yes, they did discover the metadata in late 2015 or early 2016. As Ivan Petchoukov reported, “All but four of the 30,490 emails from Hillary Clinton’s unauthorized email server were forwarded to a private Google email address featuring the name of a Chinese company.” That email address was “CarterHeavyIndustries@gmail.com.”

ICIG investigator McMillian testified that the address was a live drop box. “Even if you didn’t address an email to this address, the email went to it anyway.”

Her colleague Rucker connected the name to Shandong Carter Heavy Industry Co., Ltd, a Chinese manufacturer.??This sent up red flags. (Chinese red, one might say.)

The Dismissive FBI

Rucker and McMillian were so concerned about the possible Chinese intrusion they raced to warn the FBI. The ICIG officials told investigators senior FBI leaders “seemed indifferent to evidence of a possible intrusion by a foreign adversary.” In other words, indifferent to how seriously Hillary Clinton??may have exposed our secrets to China. And who was one of those FBI leaders? One Peter Strzok, then Deputy Director for Counter-Intelligence. Rucker said Strzok was “aloof and dismissive.”

In his new book Ball of Collusion: The Plot to Rig an Election and Destroy a Presidency, Andrew McCarthy exposes how far the Obama FBI and DOJ went to protect Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election. This is one of the most sickening examples.

Let’s rehash where we are at this point. Virtually every single email sent to or from Hillary Clinton while she was Secretary of State could have gone to the Chinese. That’s not just Hillary’s yoga routine or details about Chelsea’s wedding.  (Though the Chinese would likely enjoy knowing Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell was on the guest list.) We are talking about the most sensitive, highly compartmentalized information in the U.S. government. At least 22 above top secret, said the ICIG. Some with nformation so classified that even talking about the classification level is classified. All in China’s hands. And Hillary’s protectors at the FBI went “Ho hum.”

When the story broke in 2018, the alleged Chinese intrusion was called a hack. But was it? Deep in the report Grassley released yesterday, you find something even more ominous. Hillary’s people created the system that sent her emails to CarterHeavyIndustries@gmail.com.

Enter Paul Combetta

According to the documents, the Carter Heavy Industries email was created August 20, 2012 by Platte River Networks employee Paul Combetta, who managed Clinton’s infamous email server. He??claimed he used the email to transfer messages archived on Clinton’s second private server to the Platte River Networks server in early 2014.

Combetta’s lawyers claim the Carter Heavy Industries name was made up. Plucked out of thin air. Had nothing whatsoever to do with the Chinese state-owned company with the same name. Total coincidence. Combetta refused to be questioned by DOJ IG Horowitz in his??study of the Clinton investigation. He also claimed not to have any relevant documents.

Let’s be real, though. If all you’re doing is creating a drop box to innocently transfer a bunch of Hillary’s emails from one place to another, is “Carter Heavy Industries” the dummy name you are coming up with? Not “HRC Archive,” “PNR Transfer” or “Pantsuit Express” or heck, some character from The Avengers? And why are you waiting two years to use it? What’s going on in the meantime? And, most tellingly, why don’t you want to testify about it???

Immunity for What?

Combetta has a history of clamming up. The Secret Service doesn’t protect Hillary like this cat does. He’s the guy who used “Bleachbit” to destroy Clinton’s emails, despite an order from Congress to preserve them.??In fact, he did it the same day he had a conference call with Clinton fixer Cheryl Mills and Clinton lawyer David Kendall.

DOJ IG Horowitz lit into Combetta.

“With respect to Combetta, we found his actions in deleting Clinton’s emails in violation of a Congressional subpoena and preservation order and then lying about it to the FBI to be particularly serious.” So why wasn’t Combetta charged? Because Obama’s DOJ “chose to grant him immunity instead of charging him with obstruction of justice or making false statements.”

Why was he granted immunity? You’d think he’d only be granted immunity if he was to??finger whoever told him to destroy the emails. If he revealed what Mills and Kendall told him the day he did it. Nope. He took his immunity. Finally admitted he destroyed the emails. Then decided he couldn’t remember what Hillary’s lawyers told him. (Read Andrew McCarthy’s article on the matter. See if you would trust Combetta as far as you could throw him.)

No Proof China Got the Emails, But Proof Obama FBI Didn’t Care

Let’s be clear: The ICIG investigators believe Carter Heavy Industries is linked to a Chinese state-owned trucking company. They suspect the Hillary emails were being routed to someone else, but they could not prove conclusively it was happening. Ultimately, as the Washington Times reports, “Senate investigators were unable to determine if the Carter Heavy Industries email was evidence that Ms. Clinton’s server was hacked.”

What we do know is the Comey-Strzok FBI had zero interest in finding out whether Hillary had created a direct gateway for China to access all her secrets. We know for a fact she left her server??exposed when she used her unsecured phone while in China to call President Obama. We know??Comey??watered down this fact in his fabled Hillary Exoneration.??

Here’s what else we know: When the ICIG’s office started looking into Hillary’s emails, they didn’t get support from above. In fact, after??former Inspector General Charles McCullough told James Clapper they had found 22 emails beyond top secret in Hillary’s emails, he and his team were threatened and marginalized. Even his family. McCullough told all to Fox News’ Catherine Herridge.

Which gets directly to the question: Why wouldn’t the FBI want to look into the China threat? Why did the hammer come down on the ICIG? We began with our hypothetical situation with Mike Pompeo and President Trump. So we have to ask, “Where  if anywhere is Obama in all this?”

In an excerpt from his book Ball of Collusion, Andrew McCarthy recalls how President Obama interfered in the Hillary investigation. Obama invented the notion that “intent” to harm national security was required to prosecute her for exposing the nation’s secrets. Then he pooh-poohed the notion any damage was done (though no intelligence assessment had been conducted). He even dismissed the claim the emails were that sensitive. “There’s classified,” Obama scoffed, “and then there’s classified.” Another lie. On top of him having denied knowing about Hillary using a private server.

It was a lie. The two had used to the email address to communicate. The email address had to be approved to reach Obama.

The FBI Doesn’t Dig

But nobody in DOJ/FBI leadership wanted to dig too deep. Neither did the Director of National Intelligence Clapper. And not just because there was an election to win. Hillary could not be charged. Period.

McCarthy writes, “There was no way on God’s green earth that the Obama Justice Department was ever going to authorize a prosecution involving conduct that would embarrass the president.” If Clinton was never charged, “Obama’s role as a minor participant would not become evidence in a criminal case.”

Want evidence this business is about more than Hillary? Again read the memo released yesterday. Who ignored the China warning? The FBI. After Hillary was gone. Who worked hard to whitewash the classified emails on Hillary’s server? The State Department. After Hillary was gone. Who put the heat on McCollough? His superiors in the Intel Community. After??Hillary was gone.

Who did they all answer to? Where’s the buck stop?

Next time Obama or any of his faithful supporters boasts about “no scandals” during his reign, laugh. And tell them you have a Chinese heavy machinery company to sell them.

Al Perrotta is the Managing Editor of The Stream and co-author, with @JZmirak, o

Thor’s Cave

Jack from the UK wrote:

Morning Bill, I was out delivering in a place called Hulme End yesterday near Buxton in Derbyshire, England and came across this bench. It was at the End of an old disused railway line. Then I googled Thor’s cave and this came up.

http://www.peakdistrictinformation.com/visits/thorscave.php

I thought of the location of the bench and thought about these moments being at the end of the line for the old, I’m personally in need of a rest and it was very poignant that Thor’s bench was at the end of the line. Lol ? time to put our feet up.Thor’s Cave is the most spectacular sight of the Manifold valley http://www.peakdistrictinformation.com

Thank you for everything you’ve gone through….

I want to thank everyone for their journey to awareness.  It’s often not an easy road. Opposed by family,  mates or children (teenagers seldom like to stick out to their peers – especially with a parent that is “different” than their peers).  A friend confided in me how her son who has been critical of her “woo woo” for many years, and how he became friends recently with others his age who are very much awake. Suddenly mom was cool and not weird.  I love stories like that, but not all of us get that kind of vindication of our personal truths we’ve been operating from.  It comes eventually,  we all hope it doesn’t come posthumously.  Yet history is full of great minds in art and science that never were recognized in their lifetimes.  There are no guarantees.  Even Jesus was not honored in his home town.  Yet we all have to act on what we know to be true, no matter what people think of us.

My own family thinks I am a bit nuts, my daughter perhaps being the most tolerant and loving.  The reason I began blogging with pseudonyms was at the request of my ex-wife, who didn’t want to be associated with my interests or beliefs.  We separated in 2013 and divorce became final in January of 2015. My ex still doesn’t want me talking to my daughter about what I know, but I am here for my daughter if she wants to ask.  I don’t know if my daughter reads this blog, I know her mom does.  This blog (and American Kabuki before it) has been a very open journalling of my journey in many ways.  I did not know where it would lead, but I knew from my Near Death Experience I was more than I thought I was.  I have had a very uniquely human experience in this life, and I am not yet very telepathic except with images.  Words are tougher for me.  Most of my journey has come from my heart.

My siblings are concerned about me. I know they talk about me. They read this blog, at least my brother does.  I can feel it on those rare occasions that we do get together as a family.  We grew up in a very conservative Christian sect.  One sister is still in a version of that belief system, the others have striven for “normalcy” in the mainstream of belief or non-belief.  Growing up in a church labeled a “cult” by other churches is a label that some try to shed through conformity to mainstream beliefs.  I took a different path out of that, challenging everything I learned along the way.

I get it. I really do. I’ve been there. There was a very kind and decent man from church by the name of Wes, who lived in Flagstaff.  He married into a prominent church family and were considered the perfect “church couple”.  One day Wes and his wife began channeling angels after exploring hypnosis.  It freaked us all the fuck out.  I had a morbid fascination with Wes’ journey because in the back of my mind was the question… “what if he really is talking to angels?”  But none of it fit any context I believed in, and things that don’t fit your belief context tend to challenge it.  I made nervous jokes and wise cracks about Wes.  Wes was and is a kind and decent person, but he was on a different journey, way different than my own. But in retrospect the exposure to ideas foreign to me was to lay a ground work for other things I would learn about myself, the planet and the cosmos, even if I didn’t believe it at the time.  And I would encounter GW Hardin in 1994 who helped me tremendously in my journey away from the dualistic thinking of Christian fundamentalism.  Gary also talked to angels, Arch Angels more specifically.  And he, coming from a math and science background had actual data to prove it.

What really scares my family is the simple fear that I have gone nuts.  Admittedly I changed a great deal after my near death experience in 2009.  Everyone who has had and NDE has changed.  You can’t help but change when you see the bigger context of life.  I’m not in anyway unique in that, Heather has had 2 NDEs and her purported “Appeal Attorney” accused her of being nuts, and with a lawyer like that who needs enemies?  LOL.  He’s since resigned her appeal case.

I have an older sister, was diagnosed in the late 1970s “Bible Belt” Oklahoma as being “schizophrenic”. She eventually went on the road and died homeless in San Diego in the mid 1990s as a Jane Doe.  Reagan’s “de-instituionalizing” meant each state put you on a Greyhound bus to your relatives, which is the worse place she could have gone. You really have to have lived in Oklahoma to understand that milieu. Psychological diagnosis are always subjective and more so when there’s a belief overlay in the one doing the diagnosing.  There’s no chemical test or DNA marker. And that’s the unspoken core of what really scares them, that there might be some genetic weakness in me or themselves.  The desire to be “normal” whatever that is and however that is defined.  And I am this glaring example of something “different” to them.  Nothing about my life has been quite normal.  My other brother has had a quite “normal” life, college degree in engineering, successful career, still married to the same woman and two daughters.  Normal in every sense of the word.  I love all my family.  And so far, much to my frustration, I am a poor telepath.

Yet when I look at the symptoms my sister had, I think my sister was just very naturally telepathic, but had no context and no support to what she was experiencing as the wife of a fundamentalist Christian preacher.  These days you’re more apt to be diagnosed as autistic, times change. My mom and dad told me of all the paranormal things (such as telekinesis) they experienced when my sister was going though puberty and adolescence and they clearly were already spooked by her. She was the first to go to our Church’s college and she married a minister as was common then. Later, during a stressful time of sectarian squabbles,  things began happening to her.  Her prosperous life shattered when her husband left a life selling Motorola 2 way radios to return to the ministry years after he left it because of his own stressed out gut. There was no convenient “box” into which to put those experiences of my sister other than “demonic” (as my dad thought it) or the more mainstream charitable version, being “mentally ill” and having a “chemical imbalance” which was used as grounds for divorce and removal from child custody.  There’s many Christians that think Chi (Qi) and yoga are of the devil. Its not in their holy book. My parents were of no comfort to my sister which only made her isolation worse.  Dad thought she was possessed and he was scared of her. And the more scared dad got the more she focused on him. Dad was mostly absent in our childhoods, he worked constantly to feed his six kids.  He gave his life for his kids but he was not present except in late in the evenings and on weekends, one day of which was filled with church activities. He was not tender with my sisters, he did a better job with the boys. What my family cannot appreciate now, is that yes there is a gene in them, but it is not a mental weakness gene it is a gift of subtle abilities.

At points in my life I have been an ass.  And that’s all my brother remembers from my teenage years.
My brother reads this blog in morbid fascination I think.  I got quite an earful from him a couple of months ago when I texted him with my new phone number. I don’t know what the trigger was as it was over SMS so I couldn’t hear in his voice or other recognizable frequency markers.  That’s the weakness of textual forms of messaging.  It could have been the financial pressures of the moment (which were then severe – but not now), or the energy frequencies that have been flooding in so strongly this summer that have been triggering most everyone one way or the other.  You all have been through that with someone you know and love.  And most of the time all you can do is let them vent as they purge their frequencies.  My brother has held onto that for 50+ years.  I was an ass in pre-teen and teen years and I did not treat him well.  I thought these issues were reconciled between years ago in 1985. I apologized to him then. He later apologized to me when he went through a 12 step program and counseling about holding it over on me. He may never be let it go. It’s up to him.  I’ve already done a mea culpa to the things of my youth. Nothing I can do can change any of the past.  In my pre-teen years my brother and I fought a lot.  I regretted that a lot  when I got into my 20s when lived on my own.

Oddly,  What my brother remembers is I did not want to walk to high school with him, but what he did not know was there was a cute and shapely girl named Betsy who’s routine was to sit on a split rail fence just down the street from my high school and smoke her morning cigarette.  She always said “Hi Bill” in the most sultry tones. She was in a few classes but I never had the guts to ask her out.  I was diminutive 5′ 2″ and all of a 110 lbs.  Most of the boys my age were much larger. I was a late bloomer and didn’t grow until my last two years of high school.

I was so nervous and so full of hormones I could never get words out of my mouth to carry on a decent conversation with her.  Yet she always smiled, sensing my innocent clumsiness.  That kindness only endeared her more to me. I wanted to walk to school alone so I could be with the girl alone mostly  so I wouldn’t be teased at home about the girl.  It was as simple as that.  And my family being of Scottish extraction were terrible and merciless teasers, my mom being the exception.  But my brother never saw that side of me, because I never let him tag along.  He just remembers being ignored by his older brother.  He internalized being rejected.  It was not my intent but it is his perception.

Our family was slightly dysfunctional.  But then who’s family in this country isn’t slightly dysfunctional?  And the more religious and judgmental, the worse it seems to get.  You may leave the religion you grew up in but do you leave the habits of thinking?

The first truly unconditional love I ever experienced was from my daughter.  I am not saying I didn’t get love as a kid, I did, but it was always based on my performance and conformance to my families beliefs and expectations. Do your duty and you’ll be loved kind of thing. Yet kids and pets are just unconditional in their love, they just are love incarnate.

I raised my daughter differently than I was raised and the difference shows in her self confidence. I didn’t really know what unconditional love was until 2013.  I have come to know it well since and the power of it.  Love for which there is no preconditions or contracts of performance.  But I cannot expect someone who never experienced unconditional love from me to think I have changed.  The last 7 years have been the most transformative years of my life. And it would take years to know what I am now.

As a teenager I also argued with my mom, at a time when I was bursting with male hormones and grumpy,  my mother was going through her hormone changes with menopause and would scream at me at the strangest moments.  I didn’t get along with her. I did deeply love her.  My mom’s high graduation gift to me was a yellow canvas duffle bag and I was pushed out on my own at 17.  My two brothers got a kinder send off (and for that I am thankful!) and my youngest brother was at home until he graduated from college.

My expectations in high school was that I would get drafted and die in a war nobody liked in Vietnam. The one good thing Nixon did was end that war. I never got drafted.  Missed it by a year. I was led to believe by my high school counselor that I wasn’t very bright and wouldn’t do well in college.  She said in her Bronx accent “ya gotta get a trade!” 

I was a surly teenager and thought the world sucked.  I didn’t  like how it worked.  I consoled myself by walking my Siberian husky for hours at time in the local park. Dogs always love you.

When I got into my 50s I realized my teenage sentiments about how the world ran were actually quite spot on.  In the 70s the bankers hadn’t yet gotten so greedy that regular people couldn’t figure out a way to make a living.  It took computers to centralize everything. By the late 1990s they got really greedy and were consolidating companies and shipping jobs to China by the boatload and nobody was much liking the direction this world and country was going.  The rust belt got rustier in the name of free trade. And both Democrats and Republicans were hitching their ponies to the China lobbyist gravy train. We live in a centrally planned economy planned by bankers. Poverty, war and destruction is inevitable outcome of the central banking system.

In 1982, at age 26,  I moved from Arizona to Los Angeles to continue my education. I had tried to be a carpenter but kept getting laid off in that era of high interest mortgages (they reached 17% at one point). Those repeated layoffs through no fault of my own was what began my investigations into the economy and banking  and the Federal Reserve.

All my brother remembers about me was cemented is those teen years we did share (most of which I have long since forgot).  It’s not his fault nor is it really mine.  I went on and lived my life the best I could. For him, his memories of me was not pleasant.  He never saw or felt how much pride I had in his accomplishments in cinematography and all the places he went and the people he met and my appreciation of his technical expertise and skills.   I guess he wanted my approval but felt he never got it as a teenager.  Yet I always admired him, even in high school when he was the school photographer for the year book.  He knew what he wanted to do long before I did. That lead into still photography, TV commercials, film and HD and 3D video.  His life has been centered around LA and Hollywood. He never saw or felt those moments I bragged about him to my friends overseas or at work.  He had no way of knowing.  Because I didn’t tell him.  I didn’t tell him I loved him and now he won’t listen when I do.  I didn’t tell anyone I loved them except my mom, and later my dad.  My family was not overtly affectionate.  It was just kind of assumed you knew.

For some of you its been a long long road,  Some of you have been awake since the 1970s (I was not), you early ones can at times be a little overly cautious but that was required in those years for survival.  You early ones came through a variety of “spiritual movements” staying for a time with followers of JZ Knight at Yelm (channeling Ramtha), Adamas, St Germaine or the one I learned about last year in Portland – the enigmatic “Steve”.   The list is endless.

Some of you later ones were followers of Eckhart Tolle, Greg Braden, Marianne Williamson, Jane Roberts or the more recent David Wilcock.  The millennials have Jordon Sather.  It will change with every generation.  I met a woman with a slight valley girl accent from Seattle, I knew nothing about “energies” or “frequencies” before I met her.  I was very much into logic, for the same reason my family fears now, because crazy people are not logical.   But logic has its limitations, its a good tool but only as good as the beginning premise. And binary logic is worse because it does not take into account the unknown or unknowable.

Some of you came to an awareness of how this world functions by analyzing the legal and UCC law systems, that was not my path until the time I met Heather and Caleb.

Others came through various religions, Christian, Sufi Islam, Buddhism or Taoism.  Each journey unique to what you needed at that moment, to take you to the next step in your expansion.

You have all been ostracized, rejected as different, outcast.   This is the price of early truth. Someone had to come to it first. You did.

I thank you for your endurance and love of humanity, for that’s really what its about, a changed planet for you and your children. I have heard your stories in private.  I can’t tell you when it’s over, but we are nearly there.  I don’t know if my validation counts very much for you all, but I do love and thank everyone of you.

Tell those you love that you love them. They may not hear it now, perhaps eventually.

Thank you for everything you’ve gone through….

I want to thank everyone for their journey to awareness.  It’s often not an easy road. Opposed by family,  mates or children (teenagers seldom like to stick out to their peers – especially with a parent that is “different” than their peers).  A friend confided in me how her son who has been critical of her “woo woo” for many years, and how he became friends recently with others his age who are very much awake. Suddenly mom was cool and not weird.  I love stories like that, but not all of us get that kind of vindication of our personal truths we’ve been operating from.  It comes eventually,  we all hope it doesn’t come posthumously.  Yet history is full of great minds in art and science that never were recognized in their lifetimes.  There are no guarantees.  Even Jesus was not honored in his home town.  Yet we all have to act on what we know to be true, no matter what people think of us.

My own family thinks I am a bit nuts, my daughter perhaps being the most tolerant and loving.  The reason I began blogging with pseudonyms was at the request of my ex-wife, who didn’t want to be associated with my interests or beliefs.  We separated in 2013 and divorce became final in January of 2015. My ex still doesn’t want me talking to my daughter about what I know, but I am here for my daughter if she wants to ask.  I don’t know if my daughter reads this blog, I know her mom does.  This blog (and American Kabuki before it) has been a very open journalling of my journey in many ways.  I did not know where it would lead, but I knew from my Near Death Experience I was more than I thought I was.  I have had a very uniquely human experience in this life, and I am not yet very telepathic except with images.  Words are tougher for me.  Most of my journey has come from my heart.

My siblings are concerned about me. I know they talk about me. They read this blog, at least my brother does.  I can feel it on those rare occasions that we do get together as a family.  We grew up in a very conservative Christian sect.  One sister is still in a version of that belief system, the others have striven for “normalcy” in the mainstream of belief or non-belief.  Growing up in a church labeled a “cult” by other churches is a label that some try to shed through conformity to mainstream beliefs.  I took a different path out of that, challenging everything I learned along the way.

I get it. I really do. I’ve been there. There was a very kind and decent man from church by the name of Wes, who lived in Flagstaff.  He married into a prominent church family and were considered the perfect “church couple”.  One day Wes and his wife began channeling angels after exploring hypnosis.  It freaked us all the fuck out.  I had a morbid fascination with Wes’ journey because in the back of my mind was the question… “what if he really is talking to angels?”  But none of it fit any context I believed in, and things that don’t fit your belief context tend to challenge it.  I made nervous jokes and wise cracks about Wes.  Wes was and is a kind and decent person, but he was on a different journey, way different than my own. But in retrospect the exposure to ideas foreign to me was to lay a ground work for other things I would learn about myself, the planet and the cosmos, even if I didn’t believe it at the time.  And I would encounter GW Hardin in 1994 who helped me tremendously in my journey away from the dualistic thinking of Christian fundamentalism.  Gary also talked to angels, Arch Angels more specifically.  And he, coming from a math and science background had actual data to prove it.

What really scares my family is the simple fear that I have gone nuts.  Admittedly I changed a great deal after my near death experience in 2009.  Everyone who has had and NDE has changed.  You can’t help but change when you see the bigger context of life.  I’m not in anyway unique in that, Heather has had 2 NDEs and her purported “Appeal Attorney” accused her of being nuts, and with a lawyer like that who needs enemies?  LOL.  He’s since resigned her appeal case.

I have an older sister, was diagnosed in the late 1970s “Bible Belt” Oklahoma as being “schizophrenic”. She eventually went on the road and died homeless in San Diego in the mid 1990s as a Jane Doe.  Reagan’s “de-instituionalizing” meant each state put you on a Greyhound bus to your relatives, which is the worse place she could have gone. You really have to have lived in Oklahoma to understand that milieu. Psychological diagnosis are always subjective and more so when there’s a belief overlay in the one doing the diagnosing.  There’s no chemical test or DNA marker. And that’s the unspoken core of what really scares them, that there might be some genetic weakness in me or themselves.  The desire to be “normal” whatever that is and however that is defined.  And I am this glaring example of something “different” to them.  Nothing about my life has been quite normal.  My other brother has had a quite “normal” life, college degree in engineering, successful career, still married to the same woman and two daughters.  Normal in every sense of the word.  I love all my family.  And so far, much to my frustration, I am a poor telepath.

Yet when I look at the symptoms my sister had, I think my sister was just very naturally telepathic, but had no context and no support to what she was experiencing as the wife of a fundamentalist Christian preacher.  These days you’re more apt to be diagnosed as autistic, times change. My mom and dad told me of all the paranormal things (such as telekinesis) they experienced when my sister was going though puberty and adolescence and they clearly were already spooked by her. She was the first to go to our Church’s college and she married a minister as was common then. Later, during a stressful time of sectarian squabbles,  things began happening to her.  Her prosperous life shattered when her husband left a life selling Motorola 2 way radios to return to the ministry years after he left it because of his own stressed out gut. There was no convenient “box” into which to put those experiences of my sister other than “demonic” (as my dad thought it) or the more mainstream charitable version, being “mentally ill” and having a “chemical imbalance” which was used as grounds for divorce and removal from child custody.  There’s many Christians that think Chi (Qi) and yoga are of the devil. Its not in their holy book. My parents were of no comfort to my sister which only made her isolation worse.  Dad thought she was possessed and he was scared of her. And the more scared dad got the more she focused on him. Dad was mostly absent in our childhoods, he worked constantly to feed his six kids.  He gave his life for his kids but he was not present except in late in the evenings and on weekends, one day of which was filled with church activities. He was not tender with my sisters, he did a better job with the boys. What my family cannot appreciate now, is that yes there is a gene in them, but it is not a mental weakness gene it is a gift of subtle abilities.

At points in my life I have been an ass.  And that’s all my brother remembers from my teenage years.
My brother reads this blog in morbid fascination I think.  I got quite an earful from him a couple of months ago when I texted him with my new phone number. I don’t know what the trigger was as it was over SMS so I couldn’t hear in his voice or other recognizable frequency markers.  That’s the weakness of textual forms of messaging.  It could have been the financial pressures of the moment (which were then severe – but not now), or the energy frequencies that have been flooding in so strongly this summer that have been triggering most everyone one way or the other.  You all have been through that with someone you know and love.  And most of the time all you can do is let them vent as they purge their frequencies.  My brother has held onto that for 50+ years.  I was an ass in pre-teen and teen years and I did not treat him well.  I thought these issues were reconciled between years ago in 1985. I apologized to him then. He later apologized to me when he went through a 12 step program and counseling about holding it over on me. He may never be let it go. It’s up to him.  I’ve already done a mea culpa to the things of my youth. Nothing I can do can change any of the past.  In my pre-teen years my brother and I fought a lot.  I regretted that a lot  when I got into my 20s when lived on my own.

Oddly,  What my brother remembers is I did not want to walk to high school with him, but what he did not know was there was a cute and shapely girl named Betsy who’s routine was to sit on a split rail fence just down the street from my high school and smoke her morning cigarette.  She always said “Hi Bill” in the most sultry tones. She was in a few classes but I never had the guts to ask her out.  I was diminutive 5′ 2″ and all of a 110 lbs.  Most of the boys my age were much larger. I was a late bloomer and didn’t grow until my last two years of high school.

I was so nervous and so full of hormones I could never get words out of my mouth to carry on a decent conversation with her.  Yet she always smiled, sensing my innocent clumsiness.  That kindness only endeared her more to me. I wanted to walk to school alone so I could be with the girl alone mostly  so I wouldn’t be teased at home about the girl.  It was as simple as that.  And my family being of Scottish extraction were terrible and merciless teasers, my mom being the exception.  But my brother never saw that side of me, because I never let him tag along.  He just remembers being ignored by his older brother.  He internalized being rejected.  It was not my intent but it is his perception.

Our family was slightly dysfunctional.  But then who’s family in this country isn’t slightly dysfunctional?  And the more religious and judgmental, the worse it seems to get.  You may leave the religion you grew up in but do you leave the habits of thinking?

The first truly unconditional love I ever experienced was from my daughter.  I am not saying I didn’t get love as a kid, I did, but it was always based on my performance and conformance to my families beliefs and expectations. Do your duty and you’ll be loved kind of thing. Yet kids and pets are just unconditional in their love, they just are love incarnate.

I raised my daughter differently than I was raised and the difference shows in her self confidence. I didn’t really know what unconditional love was until 2013.  I have come to know it well since and the power of it.  Love for which there is no preconditions or contracts of performance.  But I cannot expect someone who never experienced unconditional love from me to think I have changed.  The last 7 years have been the most transformative years of my life. And it would take years to know what I am now.

As a teenager I also argued with my mom, at a time when I was bursting with male hormones and grumpy,  my mother was going through her hormone changes with menopause and would scream at me at the strangest moments.  I didn’t get along with her. I did deeply love her.  My mom’s high graduation gift to me was a yellow canvas duffle bag and I was pushed out on my own at 17.  My two brothers got a kinder send off (and for that I am thankful!) and my youngest brother was at home until he graduated from college.

My expectations in high school was that I would get drafted and die in a war nobody liked in Vietnam. The one good thing Nixon did was end that war. I never got drafted.  Missed it by a year. I was led to believe by my high school counselor that I wasn’t very bright and wouldn’t do well in college.  She said in her Bronx accent “ya gotta get a trade!” 

I was a surly teenager and thought the world sucked.  I didn’t  like how it worked.  I consoled myself by walking my Siberian husky for hours at time in the local park. Dogs always love you.

When I got into my 50s I realized my teenage sentiments about how the world ran were actually quite spot on.  In the 70s the bankers hadn’t yet gotten so greedy that regular people couldn’t figure out a way to make a living.  It took computers to centralize everything. By the late 1990s they got really greedy and were consolidating companies and shipping jobs to China by the boatload and nobody was much liking the direction this world and country was going.  The rust belt got rustier in the name of free trade. And both Democrats and Republicans were hitching their ponies to the China lobbyist gravy train. We live in a centrally planned economy planned by bankers. Poverty, war and destruction is inevitable outcome of the central banking system.

In 1982, at age 26,  I moved from Arizona to Los Angeles to continue my education. I had tried to be a carpenter but kept getting laid off in that era of high interest mortgages (they reached 17% at one point). Those repeated layoffs through no fault of my own was what began my investigations into the economy and banking  and the Federal Reserve.

All my brother remembers about me was cemented is those teen years we did share (most of which I have long since forgot).  It’s not his fault nor is it really mine.  I went on and lived my life the best I could. For him, his memories of me was not pleasant.  He never saw or felt how much pride I had in his accomplishments in cinematography and all the places he went and the people he met and my appreciation of his technical expertise and skills.   I guess he wanted my approval but felt he never got it as a teenager.  Yet I always admired him, even in high school when he was the school photographer for the year book.  He knew what he wanted to do long before I did. That lead into still photography, TV commercials, film and HD and 3D video.  His life has been centered around LA and Hollywood. He never saw or felt those moments I bragged about him to my friends overseas or at work.  He had no way of knowing.  Because I didn’t tell him.  I didn’t tell him I loved him and now he won’t listen when I do.  I didn’t tell anyone I loved them except my mom, and later my dad.  My family was not overtly affectionate.  It was just kind of assumed you knew.

For some of you its been a long long road,  Some of you have been awake since the 1970s (I was not), you early ones can at times be a little overly cautious but that was required in those years for survival.  You early ones came through a variety of “spiritual movements” staying for a time with followers of JZ Knight at Yelm (channeling Ramtha), Adamas, St Germaine or the one I learned about last year in Portland – the enigmatic “Steve”.   The list is endless.

Some of you later ones were followers of Eckhart Tolle, Greg Braden, Marianne Williamson, Jane Roberts or the more recent David Wilcock.  The millennials have Jordon Sather.  It will change with every generation.  I met a woman with a slight valley girl accent from Seattle, I knew nothing about “energies” or “frequencies” before I met her.  I was very much into logic, for the same reason my family fears now, because crazy people are not logical.   But logic has its limitations, its a good tool but only as good as the beginning premise. And binary logic is worse because it does not take into account the unknown or unknowable.

Some of you came to an awareness of how this world functions by analyzing the legal and UCC law systems, that was not my path until the time I met Heather and Caleb.

Others came through various religions, Christian, Sufi Islam, Buddhism or Taoism.  Each journey unique to what you needed at that moment, to take you to the next step in your expansion.

You have all been ostracized, rejected as different, outcast.   This is the price of early truth. Someone had to come to it first. You did.

I thank you for your endurance and love of humanity, for that’s really what its about, a changed planet for you and your children. I have heard your stories in private.  I can’t tell you when it’s over, but we are nearly there.  I don’t know if my validation counts very much for you all, but I do love and thank everyone of you.

Tell those you love that you love them. They may not hear it now, perhaps eventually.